I lost my Dad on 12th june 2008.He went away in front of my eyes and I was helpless.It was the most terrible day of my life.I know, never will I face a grief or sorrow that can match the intensity of the loss.I can never forget the series of incidents that led to the sorrowful event.One fine evening after returning from the office I got a call from my Mom that my Dad is not well.As the days were passing he was becoming more and more fragile.The doctors at my native gave a faint hint that the symptom may be of Brain Tumer.The moment I got the news I became very nervous and pensive so as, what to do.I asked my brother to bring him to Vellore so that he could be treated at Christian Medical College.I took a leave from my office even though I was working in a very challenging project, and had some deadlines to meet.My Project Manager was nice enough to grant me the leave.I went to Vellore few days before my father's arrival for treatment.I made it sure that all the arrangements were done properly - starting from the doctors appointment to the booking of a good hotel.Even I looked out for some good restaurants at the vicinity of the hotel, as myDad loved good food - especially fish(I was totally ignorant of what was going to happen.....).I went to the station to receive my Dad who was escorted by my Mom,brother and aunt.I broke out seeing the condition of my Dad, I had never seen him so fragile in my whole life.I was feeling so pity and helpless.I wanted to tear apart this world for him but I was helpless.At the hospital when we were consulting the doctor, my Mom became nervous and the doctor asked her to leave the chamber.I was sitting there with the doctor who had no idea of my pain and my Dad who was sitting beside me on a wheelchair.The doctor was a moron as he had no humanity and care for others,he was speaking with an attitude which I didnt like and was very sarcastic.He bluntly revealed the fact that my Dad was going to die in a day or two and he did that in front of the patient - my Dad.The doc was a bastard....Well, when we heard that my Dad wont be living more than 4 or 5 days, we thought of taking him back to our native.But as God had it - he collapsed in the train.He was in a subconscious state for the last few days.When he passed away he was on my lap and I was feeding him with water.This is the way I lost the person, whom I used to love the most.I lost the person who taught me how to walk,to run,to eat,to read,towrite,to sleep,to ride,to drive,to take a bath,to fight,to persist,to persevere....to face this world.In short I lost my soul.Dad,I miss you ---- I love you.
The following poem by Shanon Baldi comes to my mind whenever I am alone :
Dad...so many images come to mind
whenever I speak your name;
It seems without you in my life
things have never been the same.
What happened to those lazy days
when I was just a child;
When my life was consumed in you
in your love, and in your smile.
What happened to all those times
when I always looked to you;
No matter what happened in my life
you could make my gray skies blue.
Dad, some days I hear your voice
and turn to see your face;
Yet in my turning...it seems
the sound has been erased.
Dad, who will I turn to for answers
when life does not make sense;
Who will be there to hold me close
when the pieces just don't fit.
Oh, Dad, if I could turn back time
and once more hear your voice;
I'd tell you that out of all the dads
you would still be my choice.
Please always know I love you
and no one can take your place;
Years may come and go
but your memory will never be erased.
Today, God, as You are listening
in your home above;
Would you go and find my dad
and give him all my love.
